May 15

This Survivor’s Soul Part 1 of 2

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What does it mean to pivot?

My inner dancer grabbed on to that one and immediately thought of an old across the floor sequence where we practiced our jazz walks going: "walk 2, 3, 4, pivot step, pivot step." *insert hips!

In that sequence the "pivot step" is used to change direction.

So how do I apply this to my life?

Learning to pivot away from the things that don't work for me (after a pause for evaluation) as fast as humanly possible has made a huge impact on my mental health. 

There are so many things I can't control. What's going on in the world, how my body responds to certain things, broken hopes and dreams, traumas, isolation, obstacles that arise in pursuit of my goals... you name it.

When I wrestle with a pain or challenge, it becomes an intimate part of my life, almost melted into my being with the heat it carries. In my core I know I am not my pain, but my pain can cling to me as if it were ironed on. It clings and tells me lies about myself.

If you are here reading this, you are a survivor. I feel the hard things that have happened to you. I am sad for the way you were treated.

My body is precious. Your body is precious.

Bodies of flesh and bone carry us through this life, the way we cradle a newborn infant. Everything I take in through my senses affects my health mentally, physically, emotionally, energetically and spiritually.

The unkind things that have been said and done to me have the potential to seep into my being and rob me.

They create wounds and lies tangling me up and confusing the truth. The truth of who I am and the truth of my value.

These lies circulate in my head and impact how I behave. 

How I behave impacts the results I see in every area of my life: relationships, health, business and more.

Am I choosing my thoughts like my desires are possible?

Am I behaving like my ideas are possible?

Am I fighting the war in my mind with effective tools? 

My passion for neuroscience-based, behavior-based coaching comes from my personal experiences. I have seen the fires of trauma burn through my own life as well as the lives of my closest friends and family members.

BUT I have also seen healing and restoration when my brain was given what it needed to change, change that sticks even through the messy and tough situations life brings.

Today’s big question is: Do I ignite my interactions with behaviors that are born of the lies my traumas tell me?

In my healing journey it has significantly impacted my life to realize the things I DO help mold, shape and construct what I BELIEVE.

This allows me to create forward movement and cultivate change in my life even when my feelings have a lot to say, or nothing at all. Whether frozen or filled with big feelings, whether skeptical or positive, I am learning to reshape my world through the actions I take.

When I look back at my life and the traumas I’ve experienced, I see how the hard things that happened (the ineffective/harmful behaviors of others that damaged me) warped the things I began to believe about myself. I formed beliefs about myself around the lies of the hard things that had happened. 

Living like those lies were true began to take my life in a downward spiral and my interactions with others and interactions with myself suffered.

When I reached a point in my life where I could begin to see the downward spiral happening, I wanted something different to help, but I didn’t know what to do about it.

One of the first and most impactful steps I took for myself was to begin working with a coach. The work I have done in partnership with coaches has allowed me to shift the spiral away from the lies inside myself and begin to unwind the truth. 

Working with Blair Dunkley's Mind Models is the most effective coaching resource I've discovered to date.

Coaching is a resource I use to this day in support of my personal and professional growth. I have learned to evaluate what's working AND what is not. And in that evaluation, I'm learning to shift and pivot away from things that aren't effective TOWARDS things that ARE effective.

Once I spot an area that isn't working (which is a victory in and of itself!!) I have a choice to make.

The first choice I make is to shift away from viewing what didn’t work as a failure.

I love speaking to this, there are treasures in things that don’t work. 

The next question I’m training myself to ask is, “What might I do differently NOW?” Or, “What do I have control over right now?”

There is so much I cannot control. At times it feels like what I desire and what I want most, doesn’t matter at all. But dear friend, my heart, my pains, needs, wants and desires matter. And so do yours!

On the road to accepting my needs and feelings as reasonable, I've learned there is one thing I CAN control.

One thing I can influence that restores dignity back to the barrenness of my situation.

My mind.

I can choose my thoughts. This doesn't mean anxieties, fears and scary things don't pop into my mind. They do. Life happens to all of us.

I've discovered learning and practicing tools to take the reins makes a positive difference in navigating what comes my way. Practicing choosing my thoughts helps me make more effective choices with my actions. 

See you in Part 2!

To your health friend, 


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